If you ask thousands of teens around the world, YAL (or young-adult literature, for those of you who aren’t in the know) is where it’s at. One of the biggest YAL successes of all time is the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, which has inspired crazy amounts of art and (deeply disturbing) fanfiction in the years since its publication.

But this Twilight-inspired endeavor probably isn’t what Meyer had in mind when she sent her famous story out into the world — especially because someone out there will probably give one of these as a gift to their unsuspecting child this holiday season. If you value your child’s mental health, please, please don’t purchase anything from this shop.

Unique holiday gifts are totally cool. These dolls are totally not.

Etsy / TwistedBeanStalkNurs

As you can see, this person took everything that teens find cool about the vamps in Twilight and turned it into nightmare fuel. Nice.

But if vampires aren’t your thing, this zombie child should do the trick.

Etsy / TwistedBeanStalkNurs

Because letting your child know you love them with a doll like this is the best way to spread screwed-up holiday cheer.

This one is supposed to be a punk baby that’s still among the living, but those eyes still say “dead inside” to me.

Etsy / TwistedBeanStalkNurs

“I love you, mama. Also, I used to be dead, but now I’m not.”

Etsy / TwistedBeanStalkNurs

Oh, look! A clown baby. Life sucks.

Etsy / TwistedBeanStalkNurs

(via BuzzFeed)

If you’re still convinced that ruining your kid’s outlook on life forever would make an amazing holiday gift, be sure to check out these dolls on Etsy. You’ll probably regret it, but I think you already know that.