I’ll be the first person to admit that Google is a wonderful resource, but there are some dark corners of the internet that you shouldn’t even tread with Google’s help.

I’ve caught myself typing some shady things into Google more time than I’d care to mention – and it needs to stop because one day the feds are going to come round and take me away for good. Thankfully the wonderful people of Reddit got together to take the heat off me and revealed some things you should never type into the world’s leading search engine.

1. How to join ISIS

2. Your mum’s name, followed by the word ‘naked’

3. Mr. Hands

4. Novel-writing research: any of these three questions…

How long does it take to die of an air embolism?

Can you actually die from pain?

How long does it take a human to bleed out?

5. “How to murder your wife and marry kids”

6. Teratoma

7. Blue Waffle

8. Waldo. It’s like cheating. Similarly, the answers to pub quiz questions. If you do that, you’re a massive douchebag

9. “Plot to murder Pope”

10. Harlequin baby

11. How to make a bomb

12. The definition of the word ‘degloving’

13. Anything with the following words in it:

bomb, jihad, aleppo, google maps raqqa, how to make mustard gas, nuclear material, dirty, Obama, IS, ISIS, ISIL, how to get to syria, 5 easy steps to 72 virgins, C4, jackets XL, Syria, Iraq, 9/11, last minuite plane tickets, ukraine, I hate Obama, popular spots in paris, IEDs what not to do, how to make dynamite, ISIS brides average age, MI5 how to avoid, londons most busy tube station, how to bomb a plane, how to bomb a train, how to bomb a bus, anarchists cook book, how to bomb a marathon, pressure cookers, rucksacks XL, mercury tiltswitches…

Oh shit, someone is knocking at my door, and I’m pretty sure it’s the police. In their defence, I have Googled every single thing on this list during the last few hours. Busted.